| | I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Sure, it's Easter, and there's plenty to do at church to prepare for four services. However, the reason I'm looking forward to it is because I'm not involved in any of that this year. I was asked, but I said no, and I'm really glad that I turned the request down. In years past, for Easter and Christmas, I've been involved somehow, whether by playing the drums or acting. But this time around, I had to pass it by.
This may not come as a surprise to anyone, but it was news to me when I finally made the realization that I've been running on empty for a while now. I've kept plugging away at church, work, and home, but I haven't been fully involved for the most part. Mentally, physically, and spiritually, I'm spent. I haven't been sleeping particularly well, and I've become pretty much sedentary for the most part. I just haven't had the energy to do anything.
At work, I've kept showing up and doing as much work as I can, but my productivity has waned considerably. What would normally take me 30 minutes has been taking me anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes. he little energy that I've been able to muster for playing the drums at church has sapped me. Anyone can attest to the fact that after I was done playing, I haven't gone out to sit through the message for a couple of months now. Instead, I've wandered into the back room and collapsed on a couch until the next service started. It has been completely draining.
And so, when they asked me to be involved with this year's Easter drama, I said no. I didn't really explain my reasons to anyone, but ultimately I said no because I just don't have it in me to do it right now. I've also taken Monday off from work, so I can have three solid days of rest. Nikki is serving and won't be at home a whole lot this weekend, so my current plan is to sleep as much as possible. I'm planning on going to the Saturday evening service, but if I don't have the energy to go, then I won't. I'm certainly not going on Sunday morning. It may sound sacrilegious, but I just don't have it in me to be around that many people.
I don't quite understand why I've been running so low on energy lately. Perhaps I'm still mentally reeling from being passed over for the financial job at Bridgeway. I know that I had an adverse reaction to the news that I didn't get it, but perhaps I've underestimated just how deep that wound went. It seems strange to even call it a wound, but if I'm still recovering from it three months later, then maybe that's exactly what it is.
It will be so nice to sleep this weekend. Assuming, of course, that I will actually be able to sleep... |
| | Posted 3/21/2008 7:24 PM - 104 Views - 6 eProps - 2 comments
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